Holy Cow, I Made My Wedding Dress!

It's true, I finally got married! It's also true that I made my own dress! For the record, I do not recommend this. It was a ton of stress, and while I saved a lot of money buying fabric direct from merchants in the garment district here in LA, I was still sewing it the night before the wedding, and had to rush to press the front of the hem that morning. So, yeah. Really hard job when you're also planning your wedding, and oh yeah, working like ALL THE TIME.

But let's discuss how I made it happen!

When I was thinking about what I wanted in a dress, I started by looking at what other women were wearing in Wiccan/New Age/Pagan weddings, since that was what I was planning for the ceremony. There is a big emphasis on Medieval and Renaissance design. A lot of people seemed to have bought their garb at Ren Fairs or something similar, and many weren't in white. I had long decided to forgo a veil in favor of a flower wreath. One of the paintings that really inspired me was this one, from around the 15th century:

I especially liked the pick-ups in the front of the dress on the right! I was also heavily influenced by Neo-Classical art, Pre-Raphaelites, and of course the work of John William Waterhouse. I took the opportunity of a trip to visit my family in DC to take a camera to the National Gallery of Art. I also thought a lot about the practicalities of the dress. The wedding was in Idaho in October, and the weather there can be unpredictable. I decided it needed to have sleeves, but that the neckline should be off the shoulder. Here's a photo of the design I came up with:

I started looking at patterns, and of course I had to adjust my design. I decided to go with a combination of Vogue Patterns V1095 and V2842. I also used a skirt pattern from Simplicity. Here's the design I came up with, using these patterns:

It changed quite a bit because of the needs of the pattern. I added pick-ups in the front, and made the sleeves bell-shaped.

I decided to do a mock-up in muslin before cutting anything expensive. I bought two contrasting shades so I could tell the difference between the lace and the satin. Here's the result!

I decided I would use whatever lace I had as an overlay on the bodice. The pattern called for a straight cut along the bottom, but I thought it would look better pointed. As I mentioned, I went to the garment district for my materials. I got some good deals too, because they don't mind haggling down there! I bought some beautiful satin from Michael Levine in a color called "candlelight" that had a beautiful glow to it. I had a hard time finding something with a low sheen, but I was trying to get a fondant effect. This stuff looked like cream! I had decided a while ago to use ivory instead of white, which I think worked out well with my skin. The easy part was first, the main satin dress:

After that, I used some beautiful hand-beaded bridal net. It was really hard working around the design, and the inside of the dress is a nightmare, and I made it too big at first in the bodice, and the under-skirt dynamics were tough because it was so heavy and I ran out of time, but this is the final product!

(Huge thanks go to Israel Shirk of Avalanche Photography, and Alysha Cox who did the flowers!) Again, the bodice is a little big, but it's fully boned and laces up the back. Michael Levine was my source for steel bones which I used in the back lacing for support. And of course, it was a beautiful day for a wedding, with a clear sky and warm. I was so worried we'd all freeze, but it was actually pretty hot out! Anyway, I'm really proud of the finished product, I think for someone who's really only an amateur, this turned out really well. I got a lot of compliments and people couldn't even believe I made it myself! That's a win in my book.

Presence!

No, I'm not talking about the things you get on Christmas and Birthdays, I'm talking about STAGE PRESENCE!

Now that I'm concentrating on film, it seems like a trickier prospect than it used to be. I was preparing for an audition recently, for a project I really wanted to do, so I asked my amazing acting coach Joel Asher to help me out, maybe give me some pointers for the sides I was given. He said something to me that really made me stop and think, and that I often think of when I'm working on a scene. He said "the acting is there, you just need more presence." Basically what he's talking about, as he explained, was that special X Factor (no, not like the show, but yeah kind of that), that "star" quality that people sometimes talk about, where you walk into a room and all eyes just naturally gravitate toward you. They HAVE to watch you.

This hasn't been a big problem for me in theater. I'm pretty good at owning a stage space. But I'm also more confident on stage, as opposed to in front of the camera, and so I think that even though I'm making good choices, being honest, and acting well, I'm not capturing the audience like I should. Confidence, of course, is really hard to learn. Especially when you get to the stage in your "career" where you must must must do a project soon or you think you'll never work again! At least, that's what I've been feeling like. I said to Joel, "I really want to do this project." He said, "good." Then I thought about how desperate I was feeling about getting something, anything, and I said it again. And he told me that the second time my face just lost everything. I suppose that was the difference between thinking how much fun I would have doing something I could really get behind, and thinking how shitty it feels to be out of work this long.

See, that's the real killer. That's the confidence sucking feeling that drains your presence. Part of getting it back is preparation. That's actually a huge part. The other part is trusting. I've always been better at trusting other people rather than myself. I work on feeling that "glowing" feeling whenever I think of it, so that one day I'll just embody it and it will be real and natural. Until then, I prepare as much as possible, give myself some affirmations, and dive in.

There's an anecdote in John Lithgow's book Drama: An Actor's Education, that describes an early audition at the Phoenix Theater in New York, in which Meryl Streep is auditioning. She comes into the room, introduces herself, and changes her shoes...and blows them away. His description of her charm and then her transformation is an excellent example of the kind of presence I'm looking to cultivate. And while for some that may be natural, and it may have even been natural for me at one time, it is also something I must now hone and develop. And I think I can. Lithgow describes the audition as the last she ever had to do, and I think I can believe it.

I mean just look at her...she always had that light!



By the way, the audition went really well. There were two roles I was reading for, and one was a sort of surly nurse. In my head, she had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. I wasn't sure at first if I should use a prop, but when Joel saw me do the scene with the cigarette, he said "there she is!" I went ahead and used it for the audition (not lighting it of course!) and I had the casting directors laughing like crazy! I didn't get a call for the role, but later they re-posted it on actor's access and the age range was higher, so I think I just wasn't as old as what they were looking for. And that's okay, it's just really gratifying to know that I did my very best. Next time, I'll get it for sure!

Also, I finally got a haircut, and now my hair matches my headshot again!

The Actor's Fund

Today I discovered something I wish I knew about when I first moved here, The Actor's Fund.

I was alerted to this group by a friend at work who is also an actress, and she showed me some of the job listings they provide, so I decided to check them out. I went to orientation today.

Basically, they are a safety net for anyone in the entertainment industry. They can provide financial aid, health insurance, career counseling, and a lot of other social services. They also have a job board that's full of jobs that are specifically useful to the needs of people in the industry, such as being really flexible with scheduling. A lot of their financial aid is only available to people who have actually been making money in the industry, so I don't qualify, but anyone can have access to their career services, counseling, training, and social workers.

When I say the financial stuff is for people working in the industry, keep in mind they aren't really demanding a lot. For most things, it looks like you need to have made at least $6500 per year for at least 3 years in the past 5 years. Or, conversely, $5000 per year for at least 10 years in the last 20. So they are certainly sensitive to the uncertainty inherent in the business. They are also housed in the same building as the SAG/AFTRA offices, so, convenient!

If you're like me, and not quite making money off of this whole showbiz thing, they have a lot of great resources. Classes for career development, skills for survival jobs, and support groups for various types of people. There is an AA group that meets there, as well as Under-earners Anonymous. They have computers available for job searching if you can't afford internet at home, and they will get you onto Westside Rentals without having to pay the fee if you're looking for housing. The career counseling seems to be geared toward finding a survival job, a sideline job, or a parallel career, as well as transitioning out of the business if that's what you've decided to do. They don't really offer anything in the way of networking or finding jobs within the industry, but if you just need to pay your bills, they're the place.

I urge anyone who is having issues with their career, or living in LA, to check them out. They are super nice, and they really get what it's like to be in the entertainment industry and what our needs are.

By the way, they were started in 1882 by Edwin Booth (brother of John Wilkes Booth), as a service to help actors get buried in sacred ground, something few people in the industry could afford at the time, and they still offer burial services.

Making it Work

I am in two new videos on youtube now, one on my channel, and one on my friend's channel. The video I posted on my channel is a bit of comedy experimentation, using the stages of grief. I really feel like the class I'm taking at Joel Asher Studio has helped me connect to characters and material.

This video was all improvised, using the bare skeleton of the idea of a girl dealing with a break up and going through the different ways that we all deal with tough times.

The video on my friend's channel is a character created for a particular sketch. This is also improvised, and involved a bit of serendipity, as most experiences working with animals tends to be. I was lucky that a friend of mine offered me her cats for this, and I think it really adds a lot to the character to have her (as a cat lady) in an appropriate environment.
 There are, of course, more videos coming in the series for This N That. I'm really excited about the project, and here's why: Everything is bite sized. It's ambitious in that there are a lot of things we want to do, but at the same time I feel like here is plenty of content that we can make quickly and with little money, to start building an identity and a following. The worst thing for a group to do is stagnate, and go a long time with no new material. Peach Market Productions, the banner under which This N That is being produced, is being really smart with producing small, easy to manage projects for now, so that all the work is well done and available quickly. I'm really looking forward to seeing what we can do! Everyone involved is really talented, and really focused.

I am, I must admit, very influenced right now by Felicia Day. If you aren't familiar with her work, she started a series called The Guild. She is an actress who wasn't doing the work she wanted to do, so she went out and wrote it for herself. I have a lot of respect for someone who can just go out and DO. And it's paid of for her. The series is now sponsored and bringing in some money, which has afforded the group better production value, as well as their new channel Geek and Sundry, with a lot of mini shows celebrating all things nerd. Felicia Day herself has garnered enough attention to be a main character on the epic series Dr. Horrible, a guest role on Supernatural, and the lead in Dragon Age: Redemption, a series about one of my favorite role-playing games. The lesson here is pretty obvious...if you make it, the work will come. A lot of people have found success using the pro-active, make your own work method...Good Will Hunting is probably the most famous and lucrative example. But being a working actor means more than just making money. It means always having a project. No one is interested in someone with nothing going on. Even if the answer to that constant question, "what are you working on?" is "oh, this project I'm writing with a friend of mine," it's way better than saying "oh, nothing right now. Just sitting at home, waiting for the phone to ring."

On that note, I've also been going to Manager/Agent showcases, mostly through ActorsWest. I understand that it's ultimately a paid audition, and at around $40 I can afford to do it once a month. It's certainly less expensive than some showcases. But I can't help but wish I was getting more feedback from the agents and managers that attend. I feel like I would be getting a lot more for my money if they would critique my audition, and give me some clue as to how I come across to people who don't know me, and how I can improve. That is, after all, what I hope to get out of the experience, other than a chance to audition for an agent. I just think it would be more legit if I was getting this kind of feedback. Watch this space for more videos! And let me know what you think of these!

Character study

A while back, I saw an episode of Saturday Night Live hosted by Steve Buscemi. His opening monologue discussed his new role as a lead on Boardwalk Empire, and how it took forever to get out of doing character roles.



This got me thinking, though not about landing the lead in a hit tv show. If I was to do character work, what would I do? A recent audition opened up thoughts of "folksy southern waitress." I feel like I look super cute in glasses, so why not "cute nerdy girl?" I could probably do "un-cute nerdy girl" too, but pride suggests I attempt the former first. I also get compared to Zooey Deschanel a heck of a lot lately, so maybe "funny, indie, geeky girl" is a good direction.

I've also been thinking a lot about sitcoms as a direction. I feel like I'd be really comfortable with a format that seems to draw a lot of conventions from theater. I know I'll never be Angelina Jolie, or "the hot chick," and action star doesn't seem too likely either (though I wouldn't turn it down!). Why not embrace my face, and try to suit my career to the strengths I have? The only problem is, I'm not sure what those are! It'll take a lot of soul searching and experimentation, I'm sure, but I think now that I'm back in the classroom, that may become easier. I also think that cementing a "type" for myself, as vomit-inducing as it is to my inner artiste, would be a huge advantage in commercial work. We'll see.

Game Plan

While I was in Idaho with Jake and his family, camping out, I had some time to think about my career and what my next steps would be. Because I'm a list person, and my ADD means I have to organize everything in bizarre little ways, I made a game plan.

Firstly, I need a new job. Or, perhaps, a second part-time job with a set schedule I can juggle Banana Republic and the rest of my life around. Mostly because I need more money for things like classes, cost of mailing, gas, food, rent, etc. Mostly because I'm not making what I need for even basic survival. Thank you Jake, for ensuring that my survival continues regardless.

Second, I should do some background work. Not to put on a resume, I'm already aware that isn't a good idea. Mostly for more money, and also to meet people and network. The more showbiz people I know, the more likely I am to work in the industry, in any capacity. My time in Baltimore was proof of that, I think. I have registered with Central Casting, and they pretty much constantly have projects, but I'm struggling with my conflicting work schedule.

Third, I need an agent or manager. To that end, I have made a beautiful excel spreadsheet with all the information I could find on agents and managers in the big directory I bought last year, focusing of course on those in LA, who concentrate on actors of my demographic. So I left out people who work exclusively with kids, musicians, emcees, screenwriters, etc. By the way, if anyone needs to borrow my directory, you totally can, but you have to do your own research.

I have also just received 500 headshot prints, and bought black ink for my printer, so now I can print labels, resumes, and cover letters, and send them out. I'm currently working on a mail merge for the agencies, to be followed by an email merge, and then the same for the managers. Baby steps, because it's a hell of a lot of work, and pretty tedious. And postage costs.

Fourth, I have finally gotten my demo reel put together, thanks to James Placious and Peach Market Productions! It was tough, I had a lot of footage to wade through (although not nearly as much as I'd hoped, since it's bloody impossible to get footage from some directors) but I think I got something passable put together, which I'm sure will help in my quest for a rep, as well as get more auditions lined up.

Fifth, I need more education. I know that sounds crazy, what with the degree in drama, but I'm discovering that a lot of what I know about acting in theater is not helpful when it comes to film. I'm looking into various classes, with different techniques, and of course I'm open to suggestions. At the moment, I'm most likely interested in the Steve Eastin Studio. The classes are all done in close-up, and the technique concentrates on what is most useful for film specifically. Also, it's one of the more affordable programs! I'm also looking into Groundlings (or some equivalent improv group) and the Beverly Hills Playhouse, about whom I've heard some really great things.

Finally, I need to generate my own work. I have some ideas for videos, one that's basically a sketch, and also a dance piece I've been mulling over. I figure the more I can put out there the better. I'm also trying to support my friends who are in a similar situation to me, by giving them my time for their projects as well. Actors help each other, right? I also have some ideas for some plays I want to direct, but those are not my priority right now.

Happily, things are moving along, and I'm glad I have some tools now to use. A lot of this stuff should have happened when I first got here, but honestly I didn't have the resources then that I have now. And damn it feels good to have 500 headshots at my fingertips!

Closer to Performance

So it's been a bit more than a week since I've started rehearsal for "Seven Deadly Sins," and it's going pretty smoothly. I'm playing multiple roles, in fact I just added another one yesterday. We open on Thursday, February 10, at 9:30 pm. We run for 4 weeks at that time slot, then move to 8 pm. The theater is called The Next Stage, and is near La Brea and Sunset. Tickets are $20 a person, but for each person who says they came to see me, I get $5! Woot! Also, they do industry comps for agents etc. I'm trying to decide if I should use the postcards I have, with my old headshot on them, or the printed ones for the show, to send out to agents and managers. I don't think I have my phone number listed on the headshot ones, so it should be ok, since I got them done when I was still in Baltimore.

I'm looking forward to performance, I'm almost off-book now. The sketches are really starting to come together! I'm pretty happy with the choices I'm making with the characters, and I'm playing my newest one very similarly to the way the previous actress did, if only because that was how the director wanted it. But it was also a good, strong choice, and I'm pretty sure I can own it myself. I'm definitely having a great time, that's for sure, it's a really free, creative environment, different from Kentwood in about a thousand ways!!

Chris Berube, who runs the theater, is really open to producing and lending space to projects. He says if we have a piece we really want to do, or a workshop we want to try, he'll give us the space for rehearsal and performance for free, as long as he gets a percentage of the door. Pretty fair, I think! One of the other actresses said she loves Tennessee Williams, and really wants to do some, and he said if she wanted to put a show on she could. Just like that, and based off of an off-hand comment. It probably helps that he doesn't have a board or paying membership he has to appease in any way, he just does what he wants since it's his name on the lease. Everyone in a show is a member automatically, and gets free admission to other shows, and that membership is good as long as they stay active in the theater! I think he may start charging admission though if they haven't seen or done anything there in like a few years.

Basically, I'm pretty excited to be in the group, especially when I hear that people like Paul Reubens and Alan Rickman come by pretty often. I think the show is gonna be good, and I can't wait for curtain!